On Becoming A Yes Man

It occurred to me while watching the movie Yes Man that Carl (Jim Carrey) and I had a few things in common. In case you are not familiar with the theme of the movie, Carrey’s character is stuck in a rut and sticks to his everyday routine of working at a bank, renting movies and avoiding phone calls and friends so that he can avoid the disappointments in life until he makes a covenant to agree to say yes to every opportunity that presents itself.
Like him, I too, had issues with saying “yes to life” and allowing myself to experience life to the fullest. However, in his case, Carl believed that if he committed himself to anything or anyone they would soon figure out that he was not worthy of their commitment. He proves his case with his 6-month marriage and 3-year period of not dating after his divorce. But, it’s not just the fear of commitment that drives- or fails to drive- Carl (and myself), but also the fear of failure and rejection.
If I don’t try, I can’t fail.
This has become a way of life for me in many ways. I stayed in a dead end job for many years knowing I would never advance (even if I had wanted to) because I knew that if I attempted to branch out I could land on my face and not on my feet. I talked myself out of approaching even the most friendliest of women in fear of rejection. I even joined a gym and never returned because I was afraid to show my face in there day in and day out if I was not able to lose weight in a timely manner. This is a pure and simple case of fear of rejection and failure.
The worst part of the whole mess is I knew what I was doing! I recognized the patterns and continued with life as usual because once again, I tricked myself into believing that I would fail if I attempted to change. Even when I realized my faults I rationalized them to the point of accepting my place as is and telling myself that this is just the way things are for me so I need to get used to it.
But that’s where Yes Man changed everything for me. Not at first, well, at least not in big ways. But I recognized the similarities and I recognized the need and desire to fix the situation and turn it into something positive. But what was I going to do to fix the problem? How was I going to train myself to go from avoiding life to diving in head first? I had to really think about this and make myself focus on what it was that I wanted to change. What was it about the way I did things that made me feel incomplete?
The first step in solving the dilemma is of course recognizing the problems. I had to narrow it down to what it is that I am afraid of happening. Is it rejection? Possibly. But when I am rejected I have always told myself that it’s no big deal. There are always opportunities around the next corner. Is it failure? This is more likely. I mean, who wants to be a failure with everything they attempt? But, really- what are the odds that I will fail at everything I attempt. Pretty slim, I’m sure.
Than what is it!?!
Success.
I am not afraid of failing, I am afraid of succeeding. That has to be it. If I try something new, if I approach a woman and she is interested, if I apply for a new job- what then? Where do I go from there? That is what scares me. Not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there.
If I tried something new, such as writing this blog, what am I going to do once I’ve started? Do I keep it to myself? Do I post it on the internet in hopes that someone will read it? What happens after I post it? Do I advertise it so people know about it or do I hope they stumble upon it somehow? If it’s a success, what do I write about next? Should I even continue?
And what about that lovely lady I got a phone number from? When do I call her? What do I say? Should I ask her out? If she says yes, where do we go? Do I let her decide or do I pick the place or activity? If we go on a date and it’s a success, what is next?
If I went after a new position that I have wanted what happens if I’m hired? What if I don’t have the experience that they think I have? What if I don’t make a good enough impression once I’ve got the job? How do I know that I’m getting the financial compensation that I deserve for the work that I am doing? How do I ask for the salary I want?
If I don’t try, then I never have to make these decisions. And I somehow found comfort in knowing that if I did nothing, nothing would happen. It was a sick game I played with my life and I knew it was time to change it. I had to find a new way of doing things that gave me a sense of accomplishment no matter what the outcome was. I had to make my own covenant with myself to approach life with excitement and strive to make the best out of everyday.
In my own way, I had to become a Yes Man.
Now the question became, how do I do this without feeling like I copied a movie or that I was going into something without sincerity? How do I live life to the fullest while still retaining some sense of control over my decisions? In the movie, Carl said yes blindly to every opportunity that came his way. At times, this got him into dicey, although hilarious situations. I had to somehow make a pact with myself to be more proactive without feeling used or doing something that would go against what I felt to be right or safe.
And that is when I came up with my own “Yes Man Covenant.” It is a system of 15 rules that will make me more active in my life while still allowing me control over where I was going. If I follow the rules, I will have a more positive outlook and make myself feel like I was making a difference in my life and possibly my world. I’m sharing these rules in hopes that you, too, can find something in them that will help you achieve the things you want out of your life.
Say yes to opportunities that are positive and/or forward-thinking. When an opportunity presents itself that will bring about some sort of advance in your life or your surroundings, then go for it! Approach each new opportunity with vigor and make an honest attempt to succeed.
Seek out new opportunities and experiences. Take a class, learn a skill, read a book about something you know nothing about. The point is- look for something to broaden your horizons and don’t just wait for opportunities to knock on your door.
Avoid situations that would place you or others in harm’s way, go against your beliefs or break the law. In other words, don’t harm someone intentionally without mutual consent (I.e.: boxing would be acceptable if both parties were interested); don’t do something for the sake of an experience if it is something that goes against what you believe (I.e.: doing drugs if you don’t normally do them) and, of course, don’t break the law just because you can.
Approach everyone and every opportunity with honesty. Make an effort to be honest with those you come across. Remember, honesty is always the best policy. The truth may not be nice but it is true.
Be engaging and complimentary. If you see someone with a nice smile, tell them; a friend gets a new haircut and you like it- tell them. Tell someone that you find them attractive if you do. Don’t be afraid to be honest and direct. Everyone loves to hear a compliment every once in a while. Say hello to complete strangers. But, remember- be honest! Greet them with conviction.
Avail yourself to others. Lend a helping hand to those in need and the favor will be returned. You may not believe in karma but good deeds are returned. Everything comes back around at some point. However, don’t allow yourself to be used and definitely don’t use others.
Learn. I cannot stress this one enough. Always look for new things to learn, do, or experience. This is the only way we become a more well-rounded person.
Teach what you know. Don’t be greedy with your knowledge, share it with others! But do it in an inviting manner. Make yourself accessible to others as much as you can without becoming preachy.
Make goals for the day, week, month and year and work towards achieving them everyday. It all happens in steps and the more steps you allow yourself to make the more you will feel you have accomplished.
Be modest. This goes with availing yourself to others. Allow others to help you to achieve your goals, to help you learn or give you a helping hand when you feel like you can’t go on.
Spread your blessings. As you achieve success, pay it forward. Again, what goes around will come around. And as you are visited with good fortune, you should pass good fortune on to others.
Don’t ask for forgiveness- seek it. Do what you must to be forgiven. But, also allow yourself to do what must be done to forgive as well. Mistakes are made but lessons are always learned in every situation. You must give yourself the freedom to be able to do what is right by others as well as yourself.
You can’t do it all, but you should at least give it your best shot. As long as you are trying to better yourself no one (including yourself) can fault you for not succeeding. Regroup and retry. Like the old saying goes, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
Rome wasn’t built in a day, so keep working on it. It takes time to get to where you want to go and the sooner you realize that change doesn’t come over night, the better off you will be.
Accept failure and rejection as part of the process. You can’t do it all and you have to come to terms with the fact that there will be times when it will all be too much. But don’t let it bring you down. Learn from the experience and share what you learned. Give in to the knowledge that even when you don’t succeed at something there is something to be learned.
Now, I know that these rules don’t answer all the questions in life and there will be times when I will want to just say, “forget it, I quit.” I may fall down, but I have to learn to get up, brush myself off and give life another shot. And even though this sounds cliché, you have to remember that is up to you to make your life what you want it to be. Waiting for life to happen is the easiest way to miss out on it all together. Make an effort and you will see that life is so much more than wait and see. Perseverance is the grease that oils the gears of life.