By The Time You Read This Letter, I’ll Be Dead

This is my first attempt at a piece of fiction...EVER! So, tell me what you think. I plan to write a lot more stories in the future...




By the time you read this letter, I’ll be dead.

I know that isn’t the best way to start a letter to you, dear. But the truth of the matter is that things here are getting worse and I just don’t know how long any of us will make it. Just yesterday, Simmons, Gray and Hoff were killed by a car bomb. You should’ve seen the Captain, he looked like a ghost the rest of the day. He was standing just ten feet away from the guys when the bomb went off. I still don’t think he’s quite right yet.

As for me, I haven’t even so much as fired my rifle yet. I came close last week when we were searching a nearby villagers’ house. He wasn’t being very cooperative and we had gotten Intel that he was trafficking guns through his home. It turns out he was and when we found his stash, he fired at one of our guys. I was standing outside guarding the door when I heard the gunshot. I ran inside and heard another couple of shots go off before I entered the room where he and our troops were standing. I just missed them shoot him. He didn’t get any of our guys, though. Luckily, he was a bad shot.

I do have some good news, though. Do you remember me talking about Sgt. Wilkins? Well, his girlfriend just gave birth to his first son. I think he named him Wayne or Dwayne or something like that. I can’t remember. Anyways, apparently having babies is the big thing back home. So you’re not alone! I hope I’m wrong and I get home to see our little baby soon. I miss you terribly and I dream about you every night. You know…those kind of dreams. Ha ha. I bet you miss me, too. At least, I hope you do.

I got your last letter last week. The one where you said you went to the doctor and told him not to tell you the sex of our baby. I know you were lying and you found out. It’s OK, I understand. Just remember, I still want to be surprised. Have you come up with anymore names? I still like Celeste for a girl. It sounds like celestial and that always reminds me of starry nights. There are a bunch of those out here since there isn’t much by way of city lights here. You can see millions of stars in the sky. Sometimes, I pretend you are sitting outside in Tampa looking up at the same stars I am. I even point out the constellations as if you could here me. I know the time difference and it’s afternoon there when it’s night here, but it helps make the lonely nights less lonely. I know that by the time you get this, our new baby will be here and you will have picked a name and all, but I just thought I’d share that with you.

You asked what we do to pass the time when we aren’t out on patrol. Well, some of us have been playing a lot of football whenever it’s not too hot. There are a few guys that play cards at night. Mostly poker and you know I’m not any good at that. A lot of times, though, we sit around and watch movies on laptops. I wish I would have bought one before I came over here! They are serious time killers for a lot of guys. I get online every once and a while with my buddy’s laptop. But the internet is down sometimes and I just listen to his music on it. He listens to a lot of country, so I think you’d like his taste in music. But he’s got some classic rock on there and that is what I mostly listen to. Speaking of which, one of the guys has a guitar and he’s been teaching me a few chords. When I get home, I’ll play you something sweet. How would you like that?

How’s your brother doing? You said in the last letter that he lost his job at the warehouse and Cindy was taking on double shifts at the hospital for the time being. I hope he gets everything going for him again soon. I know it’s hard right now to find a job but tell him I said to stay strong, will you? Oh, how are their kids doing? I know you said Bobby, Jr. was enlisting and your brother wasn’t too fond of that. But, tell them all that despite what is going on over here with me that the service has been the best thing that has ever happened to me- besides you and our new baby, of course!

Tomorrow, we are going to raid a known terrorist safe house in the village and to be honest, I’m scared. I’ve seen some terrible things over here. I know I say that in every letter but it seems that every time I write you, the things I have seen are worse than the last. We are all a little jumpy since yesterday. That was the first time we lost someone in our platoon. We hear about guys dying all the time but we haven’t experienced any of the loss ourselves until then. It definitely made everything seem a hell of a lot more real.

Carrie, I’m so worried about what is going to happen. I wish they’d figure out when the hell we can get the fuck out of here. I’m tired of seeing little kids get blown to pieces and mothers screaming as they watch their boys be taken away for terrorism. The hardest part is I know inside that they aren’t that different from you or I. They just want what’s best for their country. Even if it goes against what their country wants for itself. This is why I always say, “God has nothing to do with war.” There’s no way God is looking down on what is going on today and choosing sides. Every side thinks they are doing what God wants. How can we mix up his message so badly?

I realize I said the f-word and I was going to scratch it out but I figured I’m too far away for you to hit me for it so it’s alright. I promise you can wash my mouth out with soap when I get home. As long as you promise not to let me go when I get there. I know that the hardest part is worrying about me all the time, but I promise you someone is watching over me here. There has to be a guardian angel or something because we have been really lucky so far. I hope that I am wrong and I make it back to you in a few months when this tour is over. I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms again. It’s been a rough year and I miss you dearly. Just know that every time you look into our baby’s eyes, I’m there. And no matter what happens to me over here, I’ll be watching over you always.

Even though I can’t wait until I get home and I can see you and our baby, I know that sometimes God has others plans for us and we have to accept His will and make do with our lives as they are. Even if I make it home, which I still pray for everyday, I know that I have changed so much that I often wonder if you would even recognize me when you see me. Sometimes, I don’t even recognize me. This war has been hard on us in more than one way. And that’s why I started the letter like I did. Because even if I make it home, some part of me is already dead. It may be my youth or innocence or something else but whatever it was, it’s gone.

My battery is getting low on my flashlight so I’m going to end this letter. I’ll try to call home in a few days after our next mission. If you don’t hear from me within a week or so, don’t worry. It probably means that I escaped to a private cave somewhere and have started a new life. I’ll talk to you soon and I love you with all my heart. God bless you and our new family. I’ll see you soon.

Love, Aaron.